Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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