so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
