Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
