there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
