I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize