$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
