I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
