I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
