White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
