I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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