ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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