I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
