Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Blood and glitter go together right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
