It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize