You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
