The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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