I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
