tonight lets celebrate not being married
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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