Come see our sink grown plant.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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