I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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