she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude i'm inner monologue high
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
