I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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