How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize