You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
