I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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