"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
