I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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