I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
