I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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