You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
