South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
