God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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