90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My breasts were aching with rage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize