Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize