i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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