So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
