Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I looked at my own cervix.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
