did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
