I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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