There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
