Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
