There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
