Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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