this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
