You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
