I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
