I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
