you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
