Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
