Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize