Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
