hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
