Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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