their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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