Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
