Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
