Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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