Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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