Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
