Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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