I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
