meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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