I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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