How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
