pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
