Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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