So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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