im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i drank out of a bidet.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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