His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize