Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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