ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
