I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
