i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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