Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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