i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone signed my nipple.
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