after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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