I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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