If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
