Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
