Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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