well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
