Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
