So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
