we're chasing vodka with high fives
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
