Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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