o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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