the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
