I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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