1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
