i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
