my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize